The art of spiritual conversations
The average person speaks between 6,000–16,000 words a day, but just how many of those words would fall into the category of being a deep and meaningful conversation? How many would result in a spiritual conversation and tap into the fundamental question of “Who am I?”
To have deeper, more meaningful spiritual conversations we need more than just an exchange of words; there needs to be an intimate exploration of the depths of who we are, what matters to us and where we find purpose and meaning in life. It's also open dialogue between equals, where participants delve into what it is that shapes their lives.
In the midst of our daily interactions, many of us fail to tap into the profound depths of our being. We engage in superficial conversations, discussing trivial matters like the weather, or half-hearted exchanges that don’t move beyond “how are you” and “I am fine, thank you’. Yet a part of us yearns for more than this as we long for deeper meaning in life.
Depending on our backgrounds and interests, we may seek meaning in various avenues. Scientists work through experiments, artists express themselves through brushstrokes, politicians focus on delivering manifesto pledges, psychologists dissect the complexities of the human mind and influencers seek to direct us to a product or a lifestyle that will make us happier. Despite these diverse paths, one thing remains the same and that is the search for meaning itself. When we engage in that search for meaning together through conversation, we are entering into a spiritual journey that truly changes our lives.
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, something that is spiritual ‘relate[s] to or affect[s] the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.’ It’s the step beyond what we experience into what these experiences mean for us and how they shape us. At its most basic level, spiritual questions — questions like ‘how do I want to be remembered?’, ‘what is right and wrong?’, ‘where does my happiness come from?’ and ‘what is my purpose?’ — whittle themselves down to ‘who am I?’
Who am I?
For Christians, the answer often lies in the acknowledgment of ‘God.' However, as humans, our identity still involves the whole self, it encompasses a myriad of factors, including personal relationships, past experiences, physical needs, community dynamics, hopes and dreams as well as the search for meaning.
Authentic spiritual conversations must embrace this holistic view of personhood. To have a spiritual conversation we need to engage in a range of conversational topics that explore the whole of life and not always think we need to start with questions about faith. Consider the encounter between Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4:4-26). Their dialogue transcends surface-level interactions, delving into her past relationships, cultural identity, and spiritual beliefs. This interaction exemplifies how spirituality intertwines with every aspect of our lives. The conversation addresses the reality of her whole personhood because it is understood that spirituality is interactive, and is itself in conversation with the other parts of ourselves. This means, too, that a spiritual conversation is a place where we are allowed to have — and express — doubts, and to have those doubts dealt with respectfully and honestly. This space is made for the Samaritan woman, and opens a deeper conversation about what worship looks like.
Secondly authentic spiritual conversations aren't just about providing answers; they're about fostering realisations. They invite participants to journey together, being open to transformation along the way. This echoes the encounter between Jesus and the disciples on the road to Emmaus (Luke 24:13-35), where doubts and uncertainties are met with empathy and understanding through a conversation. It is that natter along the road that that then leads to deeper fellowship and realisation.
The third thing about authentic spiritual conversations in these stories and in the conversation between Philip and the Ethiopian eunuch: is that spiritual conversations meet people where they are. For the Samaritan woman, that meant addressing her concerns regarding where and how to worship. For the disciples, that meant a discourse on current events that have changed the course of their lives and launched them into tumult. And for the eunuch, it looks like a textual clarification. Philip starts where the eunuch is, ‘with that very passage of Scripture’ (Acts 8:26-40).
In this way, spiritual conversations do not demand that its participants skip immediately to the conversations that we would like to have. When we start with our agenda we do four things:
We assume that other people understand the same information that we do (in the same way, using the same language).
We eliminate the dynamic of equal participation and learning from one another.
We fail therefore to provide the ingredients of great conversations like shared interests, listening, empathy, value, trust and safety that lead to change.
Finally, it can bring an abrupt end to the conversation itself and it may never be picked up again.
We have all had those moments when we have been spoken at — when the conversation has only been one way, or you just know someone isn’t interested or listening. We’ve all had those times when we don’t understand what someone is talking about, or can’t find the relevance in what they are saying. We all know what it is like to be on the end of sales pitch — which rarely takes into account anything about you. In those times we probably just want to get away, and leave the conversation feeling drained or frustrated.
Yet hopefully we have experienced times when someone has really listened, where they have talked about what matters to us, and when a question or discussion has led to something much deeper (and even something unexpected). In those times we can often feel like we have grown, feel more connected and leave wanting more.
We need to have spiritual conversations that provide an opportunity for mutual exploration and growth. We need to provide a sacred space where equals come together to ponder life's deepest questions and discover profound truths about themselves and the world around them. We must give space for people to think at a deeper, more meaningful level.
Rather than providing easy answers, spiritual conversations invite us to embark on a journey of discovery together, in the hope of encountering deeper truths and a richer understanding of ourselves and our place in the world. Why not explore our resources that are designed to help you, and those around you, have truly transforming spiritual conversations in any setting — and whether you are looking to inspire faith questions or not our resources will be deeply helpful.